Work-Life Balance
I work because I have to. Certainly not beacuse I want to, or need to.
I don't want to spend 8 hrs of my life glued to a desk. I don't want to doze off intermittenly, dreaming I could do what I like to do instead. Then again, what do I like to do? Roam Orchard Road? Drive up and down the CTE? Veg out in front of the TV? Lay on the beach? At the moment, none of the above.
I don't need to work, coz seems like everything I do is redundent. I mean, they have their own gameplan, and whatever I do can easily be done by them. I add no value whatsoever. What can I contribute?
Confidence is way down low. Satisfaction is non-existent. Why do I bother to wake up @ 7 every morning to get stuck in the jam and then feel empty every single moment?
Well, I have to work. To put it morosely, I have to work so that I could pay for my previous sins. Bills have to be paid. Loans waiting forever to be retired. Petrol to be purchased. Wants to be fulfilled and needs to be satisfied.
On a positive side, I am paid for doing nothing. Swell deal, in all honesty. But in the meantime, my grey matter's turning white, and this inertia, or lack of it, has stalled my drive.
Getting back in touch with old classmates have seriously dented my self-belief even further. To see the jokers I grew up and got into trouble with being "successful" in their own lifes is in stark contrast to my own inadequacies. Sure, they have their own sorrows and problems, but lets see. A couple are in IT sales, and living in bungalows. Another is a contractor, and is at peace with his life. Yet another is in business, trading with diamonds, and has finally found peace within himself. Then yet another group, also doing pretty well. A cafe owner thinking of expanding his "empire" overseas, a hospitality guy willing to endure long hours just so that he doens't expose himself to change, and a couple that just returned from Melbourne. Feeling very happy and at peace.
I guess from these 2 groups, they are all more or less happy. And I look within myself. I feel emotion-less. I am neither happy nor sad. Actually, come to think of it, I feel detached from life, from all that's happening around me.
I won't say I am not successful, nor would I say I am a bum. But, I feel I am capable of more, and I should deserve better. I am, in short, I am so uncontented I am unable to derive happiness. I lament the lack of opportunity, and am at a lose how to seek it. I think I know who I am, but what my cathecism teacher said seems to be prophetic words.... "one day you will loose your way and until you find Him, and truly belief in Him , and love Him with all your heart and with all your soul, you will not live."
Oh woe to you Brother John!
I don't want to spend 8 hrs of my life glued to a desk. I don't want to doze off intermittenly, dreaming I could do what I like to do instead. Then again, what do I like to do? Roam Orchard Road? Drive up and down the CTE? Veg out in front of the TV? Lay on the beach? At the moment, none of the above.
I don't need to work, coz seems like everything I do is redundent. I mean, they have their own gameplan, and whatever I do can easily be done by them. I add no value whatsoever. What can I contribute?
Confidence is way down low. Satisfaction is non-existent. Why do I bother to wake up @ 7 every morning to get stuck in the jam and then feel empty every single moment?
Well, I have to work. To put it morosely, I have to work so that I could pay for my previous sins. Bills have to be paid. Loans waiting forever to be retired. Petrol to be purchased. Wants to be fulfilled and needs to be satisfied.
On a positive side, I am paid for doing nothing. Swell deal, in all honesty. But in the meantime, my grey matter's turning white, and this inertia, or lack of it, has stalled my drive.
Getting back in touch with old classmates have seriously dented my self-belief even further. To see the jokers I grew up and got into trouble with being "successful" in their own lifes is in stark contrast to my own inadequacies. Sure, they have their own sorrows and problems, but lets see. A couple are in IT sales, and living in bungalows. Another is a contractor, and is at peace with his life. Yet another is in business, trading with diamonds, and has finally found peace within himself. Then yet another group, also doing pretty well. A cafe owner thinking of expanding his "empire" overseas, a hospitality guy willing to endure long hours just so that he doens't expose himself to change, and a couple that just returned from Melbourne. Feeling very happy and at peace.
I guess from these 2 groups, they are all more or less happy. And I look within myself. I feel emotion-less. I am neither happy nor sad. Actually, come to think of it, I feel detached from life, from all that's happening around me.
I won't say I am not successful, nor would I say I am a bum. But, I feel I am capable of more, and I should deserve better. I am, in short, I am so uncontented I am unable to derive happiness. I lament the lack of opportunity, and am at a lose how to seek it. I think I know who I am, but what my cathecism teacher said seems to be prophetic words.... "one day you will loose your way and until you find Him, and truly belief in Him , and love Him with all your heart and with all your soul, you will not live."
Oh woe to you Brother John!
posted by Brother John at 12:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home