On borrowed time
Lately, life within this cubicle has been less meaninful. Somehow, I feel isolated and cut off from the outside world. There seems to be a virutal barrier that separates me from the fresh air and bright sunshine. But today, suddenly there is a breeze, a whiff of fresh air. Could it be that I its because I can blog again? Sites that were blocked for the past 2 weeks, were found to be ublocked today. Wow.
I realise that my time here @ Changi is now extremely limited. Heard they're interviewing my replacement these days. However, unlike the feeling of going ORD some 20+ years ago, I spend these remaining days with a heavy heart. What have I got myself into? How will I account for these three months? I am such an utter failure. The words of my previous COO rings loudly... "have you considered carefully? Are you sure its a better place?" In hindsight, I should've reconsidered, taken his advise. But hindsight is such a cruel animal. I guess coming here might really have been a mistake, but staying put there.... would have been another dramatic ride too.
Fact of the matter is, I can lament all I want, and no one would empathise. Well, they could sympathise. Deep down, I guess what really matters is not what I think, but how one is able to shape others' perception, that is the key to success. And therein lies my failure.
I guess in hindsight, I should've been less amiable. I came in here wanting to be a "nice" guy, respecting how things work, and playing by their rule book. So much so that I lost myself, and lost the way as well. In pandering to their perception, I gave them more chance to expect less from me. I thought I should take it easy, and bide my time to win them over. Never did I expect them to make such swift judgement and to throw the dice that fast. Well, read my earlier post.... I guss I should have been more of a bastard when I arrived.
Oh well, I will bring with me a whole new experience. My lesson learnt is to that I need to take charge of my life. I have taken the "anything" or "whatever" approach all my life. Will I be able to adapt to being less accomodating? I guess I could. I once was a tyrannt. I compensated for that Flaw by being a smiling buddah... Yes Sir, Yes Sir, 3 bags full... Are they full enough for you sir? I guess I have since over compensated, and its time to re-evaluate my value systems once more. I guess other smiling buddahs won't have lost their way like I have, I just have to find that missing link.
Only 8 months of 2007 has passed us by, and I can safely say this has been a watershed year, for me at least. I have done things I will forever be proud of. There are also other things that I will regret for the rest of my life. The morale of the story, for my life for 9M 2007 would be.... decisions I made, choices I took, will affect me in more ways than 1. There can never be a Right Choice, nor will there ever be a Wrong Choice. There can only be consequences and repercussions that would at times force your hand, and give you no Choice later.
I have no more choice, but to leave. I have no other choice but live with the choices I have made. I have no choice but to accept fate, whaterever it decides to throw at me. Hit me with your best shot Life! This Smiling Buddah here will decide how to react when that time comes again.
I realise that my time here @ Changi is now extremely limited. Heard they're interviewing my replacement these days. However, unlike the feeling of going ORD some 20+ years ago, I spend these remaining days with a heavy heart. What have I got myself into? How will I account for these three months? I am such an utter failure. The words of my previous COO rings loudly... "have you considered carefully? Are you sure its a better place?" In hindsight, I should've reconsidered, taken his advise. But hindsight is such a cruel animal. I guess coming here might really have been a mistake, but staying put there.... would have been another dramatic ride too.
Fact of the matter is, I can lament all I want, and no one would empathise. Well, they could sympathise. Deep down, I guess what really matters is not what I think, but how one is able to shape others' perception, that is the key to success. And therein lies my failure.
I guess in hindsight, I should've been less amiable. I came in here wanting to be a "nice" guy, respecting how things work, and playing by their rule book. So much so that I lost myself, and lost the way as well. In pandering to their perception, I gave them more chance to expect less from me. I thought I should take it easy, and bide my time to win them over. Never did I expect them to make such swift judgement and to throw the dice that fast. Well, read my earlier post.... I guss I should have been more of a bastard when I arrived.
Oh well, I will bring with me a whole new experience. My lesson learnt is to that I need to take charge of my life. I have taken the "anything" or "whatever" approach all my life. Will I be able to adapt to being less accomodating? I guess I could. I once was a tyrannt. I compensated for that Flaw by being a smiling buddah... Yes Sir, Yes Sir, 3 bags full... Are they full enough for you sir? I guess I have since over compensated, and its time to re-evaluate my value systems once more. I guess other smiling buddahs won't have lost their way like I have, I just have to find that missing link.
Only 8 months of 2007 has passed us by, and I can safely say this has been a watershed year, for me at least. I have done things I will forever be proud of. There are also other things that I will regret for the rest of my life. The morale of the story, for my life for 9M 2007 would be.... decisions I made, choices I took, will affect me in more ways than 1. There can never be a Right Choice, nor will there ever be a Wrong Choice. There can only be consequences and repercussions that would at times force your hand, and give you no Choice later.
I have no more choice, but to leave. I have no other choice but live with the choices I have made. I have no choice but to accept fate, whaterever it decides to throw at me. Hit me with your best shot Life! This Smiling Buddah here will decide how to react when that time comes again.
posted by Brother John at 10:27 AM
1 Comments:
We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are able to carry on. Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can can pick it up again later when you have rested.
Failure is the opportunity to begin agin, more intelligently...Hope this is a new beginning to all the wonderful thing in your life. Just wishing you the best of luck and to say... may you enjoy a future that meets all your expectations.
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